Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Thursday, March 13, 2008

—Special “Tryst’n with Kristen” E-dition —

Shameless in Cincinnati

~~ Today’s Whistleblower Real Chutzpah Award goes to Mike Allen for pimping himself out via a PR firm as an expert on infidelity. When Depraved DemocRAT New York Governor Eliot Spitzer went before cameras Monday to apologize for getting caught paying $4,300 for a BJ from “Kristen,” our former philandering Hamilton County Prosecutor who resigned in disgrace told Feckless Fishwrapper KimBall Perry he knew how Spritzer felt. Which is why our Quote for Today Committee jumped all over Allen’s quote: “To be honest, when I saw Love Client # 9’s apology yesterday, I was the first one I thought of.” That was so Mike Allen of him.

~~ Let’s face it. “Kristen” is a lot better looking than Boinking Becky and Horn Dog 81 had to pay $40,000 to settle her law suit. Dan Pinger Public Relations really earned its fee when it got Horn Dog 81 on Wednesday Morning’s national broadcast of Fox and Friends along with WLW Hate Radio so he could be a character witness for a fellow fallen prosecutor. “Have you no shame, Mr. Allen, at long last, have you no shame!”

~~ What is it about these scumbag politicians who no longer find their wives sexually appealing but don’t have the stones to get divorced because of the electoral backlash?

~~ Tuesday night, Former Temporary Hamilton County RINO Party Boss George Vincent officially resigned in disgrace with all the Disingenuousness of a DemocRAT. He was proud of “what” accomplishments? Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1781 William Hershel discovered Uranus, but it wasn’t until Tuesday night that George Vincent took his head out of his ass.

~~ Judge Alex Triantafilou (pronounced Alex) says he was shocked to be “drafted” as the new Party Boss. Then he read his Academy Award acceptance speech, at the same time his mug shot was being posted on the Party’s web site. Actually, The Blower preferred that picture of Alex and the Bush babes. And The Blower wonders if Alex is also shocked to find out he was now listed as “of counsel” to Dinsmore & Shohl, the same law firm where George Vincent is listed as managing partner. Coincide? We think not!

~~ With only 236 more days till the November Elections, our Blue Chip Young Republicans President we call Jeff says he was happy to read Alex the Great's vision is to return our party “to our core vision of lower taxes, smaller government and public servants who are serving the public good.” At the same time, Young Jeff forgot to give George Vincent full credit for ruining the Party.

~~ According to Foolish Fishwrapper Jessica Brown, Vincent, who held the chairman’s job hostage for 32 months, said there was never ever any dissention in the Party. He said party members “agree 95 percent of the time” and shared the same core values. Hold on, Jessica. We’re calling Total Bullshit on that one.

~~ We carved another notch on our whistle Tuesday when word came that Metro CEO Michael Setzer had also resigned in disgrace, on the same day a woman got hit by a bus in Over-the-Rhine. It’s a good thing she wasn't hit by a trolley. It would’ve fallen off the track and they would have had to bring in a crane and traffic would have been a mess for a day. Do you think all these riders who get off the bus and jump in front of it are doing it for the insurance money?

~~ In Washington , our DC Newbreaker says Iowa Republican Congressman Steve King is not backing away from his prediction that terrorists would be dancing in the streets if DemocRAT Barack Obama were elected president, despite a rebuke from aides to John McCain, the GOP's apparent presidential nominee. WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham says McCain should be apologizing to Congressman King, not a rag head like Obama.

~~ In Columbus , Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says the Toledo Blade is reporting that Ohio 's budget woes continued to worsen last month as income tax collections tanked and fewer-than-expected Ohioans bought cigarettes and alcohol, staples the state used to be able to count on for revenue.

~~ The Cincinnati Fishwrap reported this week that the Mendacious Metro Mayor Mark Mallory (AKA 5M) announced his plot to slowly replace the aging pale Cincinnati Police force with a more colorful and Elite Protection Service. The Elite protection is said to be a more yooful urban and diverse bunch. The ever trendy tax spending Mendacious Metro Mayor Mark Mallory is yet to reveal his family’s interests in using trusty tax dollars to subsidize the 5M militia.

5M’s more yooful brother has tried several times in the past to use over-taxed payer dollars to hire this hit squad. His prior attempts have been thwarted by those paying taxes. It seems it takes a more experienced politician to show him how to outsmart the average over-taxed payer. Rumors have it that the Elite Services isn't so Elite, but their Own WEB site testimonials speak volumes. Don’t miss it.

~~ Only Truth at City Hall says when he heard the mayor of Cincinnati proposed hiring David Weems and Elite Protective Services, Inc., he wondered what the rest of the story was. Their website states the business was established in 1998, listing themselves as Elite Protective Services, Inc. The Ohio Secretary of State shows that the corporation was cancelled by the State of Ohio for failure to file reports or pay taxes, effective August 16, 2006. The trade name was also cancelled by "operation of law" by the Secretary of State on June 3, 2003. So, the City wants to hire a company actively violating the law (pretending to be a corporation, Section 5733.21 O.R.C.) to provide security for City Clown-cil. Isn’t that special? If your corporate charter is cancelled, would that have any effect on your insurance coverage?

~~ Meanwhile, in the First Congressional District, voters have long been wondering if the story told by outgoing state rep-tile Goeff Smith during his farewell speech on the house floor was true. The ousted rep-tile's apparent inside joke referring to "the little stint with Representatives Driehaus and Todd Book, and the Snoop Dogg and Girls Gone Wild episode" made the First District's voters wonder if the so-called "Conservative DemocRAT" was really that oxy-Moron. Cub reporter Eileen Wright may have found proof of Stevie-D's walk on the Wild side.

~~ Once more the arrogant fool of a superintendent of the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools Rosa Blackwell is sticking it to the taxpayers and her handmaiden, board president Eve Bolton is her enabler. Blackwell has a long history of protecting criminal pervert teachers. She doesn't protect the students though. As yet another example, this week, she decided she'd assign William Gray to Hamilton County 's juvenile jail as a teacher. Problem is, Gray has been repeatedly accused of sexual misconduct, three times with children. So Mrs. Buckwheat places the guy with jailed children, so he can do it again. When questioned, Bolton got all snarky and threatened to withdraw all teachers from the juvenile facility. What terrible failures those people at CPS are!

~~ Director of Schools, Mary Ronan, sent out a nasty-gram to all principals indicating that any staff member who left early during Friday's blizzard would be given severe consequences from her office. Most area high schools were completely empty by 1:00PM and no teacher was staying behind. Now, let's see if the facts really add up: The principal at SCPA is in trouble for allegedly boinking a student, there is a sex scandal at We Be Hughes High School, and the current principal at SCPA, Dennis Matt hews, walks around all day commenting on how nice the young female students look in their clothing calling them "darlings and babes." Doesn't the Director of Schools of the failed CP$ school system have better things to worry about than the teachers’ leaving early for their own safety?

~~ Teachers and students were stunned on Monday when Principal Truck Driver Hahn refused to expel two students for drinking alcohol during their Ohio Graduation Tests. The drunk students were initially expelled, however, the worthless principal said, "there isn't enough evidence to support an expulsion." The last time we checked, it is a board of education policy to mandate an automatic expulsion for consuming liquor on school grounds. Soon, teachers will begin drinking and smoking at We Be Hughes High School since it's OK by the principal.

~~ Another reason to move the Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Ray roe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center to Union Terminal: The Museum Center is "building" a traveling "Freedom Sister's" exhibit with their own display team. They will then get paid to ship and display this exhibit at other museums across the country. Maybe the Uppity Center might have a bright idea of their own someday. Oh no, no one knows where their front door is located. The Museum Center exhibit focuses on the pioneering woman of civil rights while the Uppity Center "rented" an exhibit on MLK Day on "Stereotypes of Sororities!". Free the tax payers from supporting the Freedom Center . Remember the County Commissioners just voted to send on to the state a recommendation that it get $850,000 of YOUR tax dollars.

~~ Fairfax wants to build a brick wall as a "gateway" to Fairfax . Wise up ODT this is just a place for their cops to hide and ticket speeders. Fairfax is a speed trap already filling its coffers with fines from unsuspecting motorists. It is the only municipality where police regulations say you must come to a complete stop, that lasts 20 seconds, or you are considered making a "rolling California Stop."

~~ Our Angry Andersonian says The Forest Gump School Board meets Saturday morning at 7:30 to discuss the “timing” of an operating levy and a bond levy. Most over-taxed payers believe that school levies should be decided upon by need, not timing. So why meet to discuss levies when most over-taxed payers are sleeping in on their off day? Word is that the operating levy is going to be much larger than over-taxed payers have seen in the past. The other word is that the bond levy is full of fat in order to assure that a couple of board members’ pet items get passed (those members couldn’t be Smith and Heis, could they?) Over-taxed payers should be there to ask how much those proposed facility “improvements” will cost in increased operating costs after they’re built. Could it really be an extra 2 mils or more? Taxpayers also should be there to ask Smith and Heis why they pay so much to run two small high schools when one would be a lot less expensive. Could it really be that one high school would save 4 mils or more of operating levy dollars? Really over-taxed payers, sometimes you have to get up early on Saturday for something more important than playing golf. Look at it this way, how many rounds of golf does each mil of saved taxes buy? Ask the board to state it to you that way, instead of its usual dumbed-down “per owner of an imaginary $100,000 residence.”

~~ Lucy from Lebanon says the IKEA hullabaloo finally brought out part of the story on West Chester 75 Inc. What was not mentioned was that these so called, civic minded individuals had an inside track on the development of the Union Centre Interchange. These insiders were Union Township trustees and had information that was not available to the farmers who owned the property that John Boehner, Stephen Powell, and friends bought. Then the Union Centre Interchange was announced, too late for the farmers to make any money. Unfortunately for Warren County , Dave Gully is now in charge of the development here. He was part of the current mess of one box store after another on Colerain Avenue - many now closed. He is bringing his developer friends to Lebanon and other Warren county areas that should remain pristine. He says, "There is no way Union Centre would have happened without West Chester 75." You betcha, Dave. These guys became millionaires and Boehner might make it even to the Vice Presidency.

~~ Over at the Fishwrap, Metro Mole says they had a great article Sunday about how hospitals are giving patients better care using 'hospitalist" to check on the patients instead of paying docs. Please note picture of Carl Schoenling receiving care. Another good article which appeared Saturday, the day before, was the obituary for the late Carl Schoenling. Sounds like a good reason to stay off “hospitalist.”

~~ Meanwhile, in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo must’ve taken the day off, because he didn’t sent us a single story.

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Today's edition is brought to you by a generous donation during our March fund-raising drive by Dinsmore & Shohl.

PIMPING MIKE ALLEN HOT LINE
e-mail your public appearance opportunites today

Some vile-and-disgusting items in today's Blower
were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers


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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

—Special “NY Governor Caught in Prostitution Scandal” E-dition —

Top Ten List

Today with only 237 more days till the November Elections, it’s the Top Ten Things on Judge Alex Triantafilou’s (pronounced “Alex”) to-do list when he takes over the Hamilton County Republican Party this morning:

10. Start mending fences with all those local GOP organizations

9. Put up a “No RINOs” sign on the front door.

8. Finish writing all those letters apologizing for the Party’s official spokesman Bill Cunningham’s disgraceful performance at the McCain rally.

7. Have John Williams at the Board of Elections check to see if Ghizzy Lizzy took a DemocRAT ballot again and void That Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch Mean Jean “Hoffman” Schmidt’s endorsement.

6. See how long it takes for the McCain campaign to call and suck up.

5. Ask Steve Chabothead’s barber to do something about that spit curl.

4. Have the Party’s books audited.

3.
Take that goofy picture of Temporary Hamilton County RINO Party Boss George Vincent off the Party website and put up that one of himself with the Bush babes instead.

2. Call Charles Foster Kane to see if Our Beloved Publisher can squeeze “JayWalking Joe” Deters and him in for lunch at the Boathouse today.

…And the Number One Thing on Judge Alex Triantafilou’s (pronounced “Alex”) to-do list when he takes over the Hamilton County Republican Party this morning is…call his bailiff at the courthouse and tell him he won’t be in today.

The Only Other Story That Matters Today

In Washington , our DC Newsbreaker says today’s top story is all about New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s Prostitution Scandal. Monday, he showed up with his wife at a press conference to apologize. When he was running for office, Spitzer promised to bring all the prostitutes to their knees.
Is the New York Post having a field day yesterday or what?

Hillary didn’t want to comment on Spitzer’s scandal. After all, he’s one of her superdelegates.

Noting the way some people in the news media keep bringing up Bill Clinton’s Lewinskys in the Oval Office, especially since Spitzer’s sexcapades occurred at the Mayflower, the same hotel where Monica was probed, Hillary says, “I hope Spitzer’s hooker wasn’t wearing a blue dress.
In a related item, Cincinnati ’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory says, “I hope they don’t start investigating Obama’s superdelegates to see what’s in our closets.

Odd Todd Opportune wondered how much it would cost for a blow job on the pitcher’s mound on Opening Day.

Hamilton County Prosecutor “Jaywalking Joe” Deters says “Spitzer was listed as ‘Client #9.’ My philandering prosecutor predecessor Mike Allen called himself “Horn Dog 81, which is evenly divisible by nine. What a coincidence.”

Bobby Leach says, “Did she swallow, or was she a Spitzer?”

David Letterman did the
Top Ten Eliot Spitzer Excuses.

Spitzer wanted unsafe sex. “I wonder if he paid her to strap on a dildo and stick it where the sun don’t shine like I did,” quipped Jerry Springer, who’s scheduled to be the guest of honor at the Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party’s Century Club Reception on March 25
Our Quote for the Day Committee reports it’s no wonder former Mayor Quisling Charlie Luken always said, "I wish you the money of a Republican and the sex-life of a DemocRAT!" The former Mrs. Quisling says, “If Charlie had only had the Republican part of that wish, he might still be married.”


Hurley the Historian reports Rob “Fighting for Failed Legacies” Portman says it reminds him of the first time he went to Washington and got that Patton Boggs & Blow job.

Debra from Anderson says she saw three good headlines on the internet: The Sundries Shack blog’s "It's Never Good When 'Prostitutes' and 'New York Governor Appear in the Same Headline," Out West blog’s "Dem NY Governor Is Alleged Whorehopper," and Moonbattery blog’s "Eliot Spitzer Discovers Another Downside of Capitalism." We liked the one on ScrappleFace:
Shocker: NY Governor Brings Cash to D.C., Leaves It.

Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says $4,300 sounds like a lot for a blow job. You could buy an engagement ring for that much. In DC, $4,300 gets you a Valley Girl like Kristen, who says, “Listen dude, you, like, want the, the, sex?”

Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders says based on police reports, prostitutes in Covington charge somewhere in the $15-$30 range for blow jobs, depending on the number of teeth remaining in the hooker's head. But Phyllis on Madison says guys who count on their wives for such services pay about 1,000 times that rate in one way or another.

And talk about great timing, Our Fair Fishwrapper Amanda VanBenshoten reports criminal charges have been brought against the two co-owners, a bartender and five dancers at Succubus Tavern after a police investigation revealed acts of prostitution and other illegal activities there, and the CamBoozler bets those blow jobs didn’t cost $4,300.

Goof Doofus wonders if Spitzer’s Valentine’s Day Eve Tryst was the first and only time.

Horny in Hebron says that hooker web site was overloaded all 83 times I tried to log on.

Bluegrass Dems say this was a private matter and it’s not like he was gay or anything.

Now here’s a song parody we found on the internet.

PROSTITUTIN' SPITZ
Tune:
"Puttin' on the Ritz"

If you're guv
And wish you knew
Where to get love
Why don't you do
Like hypocrites
Prostitutin' Spitz
Girls with names
You find out after
Play their games
And soon you hafta
Call it quits
Prostitutin' Spitz
Hooked up with a thousand-dollar hooker
Now you're stuck inside the pressure cooker
Lookin' snookered
Call-girl tricks
Of pure excitement
Pay for kicks
With your indictment
Paging Fitz
Prosecutin' Spitz
Have you seen the prostitute
Chargin' high and lookin' cute
You're a famous VIP
Now we write your RIP
Phone calls
And wiretapping
Net fallsIt's you they're trapping
Spendin' lots of cash
For a thrill and a rash
If you're guv
And wish you knew
Where to get love
Why don't you do
Like hypocrites
Prostitutin' Spitz
Girls with names
You find out after
Play their games
And soon you hafta
Call it quits
Prostitutin' Spitz
Hooked up with a thousand-dollar hooker
Now you're stuck inside the pressure cooker
Lookin' snookered
Call-girl tricks
Of pure excitement
Pay for kicks
With your indictment
Paging Fitz
Prosecutin' Spitz
(Wiretapdancing)
Hooked up with a thousand-dollar hooker
Now you're stuck inside the pressure cooker
Lookin' snookered
If you're guv
And wish you knew
Where to get loveWhy don't you do
Like hypocrites
Prostitutin' Spitz
Prostitutin' Spitz
Prostitutin' Spitz
Prostitutin' Spitz

Not only that, we also have a DFU SING-ALONG called
“Eliot Spitzer - Love Potion No. 9”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially scumbag politicians who no longer find their wives sexually appealing but don’t have the stones to get divorced because of the electoral backlash.

PUBLIC OFFICIALS WHO’VE PAID FOR SEX HOT LINE
e-mail your check stubs and credit card receipts today.

Some vile-and-disgusting items in today's Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers

To be considered for an e-mail subscription to The Whistleblower Newswire, persons of consequence anywhere in the world may apply by e-mailing requests to whistleblower@cinci.rr.com.

Link of the Day
Late Night Comics’ Takes on the Spitzer Scandal

Remember: you can still be offended by the Blower on the Internet at
The Cincinnatus Standard

Monday, March 10, 2008

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

—Special “ George Vincent Resignation” E-dition —

Real e-Mails from Real Subscribers

--- Could it be that historically conservative Republican voters have already recognized the errors of their previous votes and changed directions to support the "Liberal Agenda?" After all, Dennis Hastert's historically right-wing district just elected one of us in the replacement election! —Disingenuous DemocRATS


--- We voted for Hillary before we voted against her. —Rush Limbaugh Republicans


--- Shouldn’t it take more than a whim to switch parties in a primary election? Maybe we should just publish their names. —Bored of Elections


--- Higher taxes for my Failed Cincinnati Public $chools was just another big benefit from all those cross-over votes. —Mrs. Buckwheat

--- In November, Cross-over Republicans can still vote for McCain and vote for me too. —Ditzy DemocRAT Icky Vicky Wulsin (Millionaire-Indian Hill)

--- My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it." —Barack Obama


--- According to the Columbus Dispatch, last Tuesday's election proved no need for changes urged by Ohio 's Deranged DemocRAT Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner. —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders

--- Will Odd Todd Opportune embarrass himself when he tries to throw out the first pitch at Opening Day like I did last year? — Cincinnati’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory


--- With only 238 more days till this year’s elections in November, we’re beginning to wonder if this is the year when Hamilton County turns “Blue,” and so will Ohio . —Fishwrappers just beginning to catch on


--- That’s only 34 weeks. When will somebody start running some negative attack ads? —Greedy TV Ad Salesmen


--- Exactly how long has The Blower been demanding that I resign in disgrace? —Failed Temporary Hamilton County RINO Party Boss George Vincent


--- I’m ready to call the play-by-play: he’s outta here. He’s waaaayyy outta here! —Ken Broo



---On this date in 1942, Mac Arthur left Corregidor . —Hurley the Historian

--- We hope Vincent doesn’t say “I shall return” like Mac Arthur did. —Your Quote for Today Committee


--- Should I act surprised at tonight’s Central Committee Meeting if somebody nominates me to take over the party? —Judge Alex Triantafilou (pronounced “Alex”)


--- Deters and Portman promised I still get to be the Official Party Spokesman. —WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham


--- Now that elections are over in Ohio , maybe I can start covering the Primaries in Northern Kentucky . — Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo


--- Me too. —Patsy Crowley


--- Covington workers might’ve gotten the City streets cleaned off if they had skipped the streets in the city of KENTON VALE and the Huntington Bank parking lot at 36th Street and Decoursey. — Covington City Mangler Jay Faucet

--- Some of the people featured in the latest cyber edition of This Week in Kenton County Circuit Court don’t look too happy. —Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders

--- Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and the guys on our Flashlight Theatre Music Video don’t look a whole lot better. —Mischievous Mike Sadouskas

--- You know you’re in for trouble when you can’t even get your own party to support your agenda. —Steve Beshear

--- Legislation to make the Corvette the official state car belongs on the same list as making cornhole the official state game, burgoo the official state dish, and Kentucky Fried Chicken the state's official picnic food. —Members of the DemocRAT-controlled House

--- Please stop asking if I really introduced my old boss “BeanBall Jim” Bunning by telling the audience he set a Major League record by hitting 187 batters. —Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson

--- Has anybody noticed how much better our web site is since we went out of business? —NoKY ComPost

--- Don’t forget our big holiday is still scheduled for March 15. —Political Backstabbers

--- Remember to get drunk here on St. Patrick’s Day on March 17. —Mainstrasse Bars

--- And every guy I know plans to celebrate BB&BJ Day on March 20. —Bobby Leach

--- What happened to all the clocks? —TV 19 News

Sometimes The Blower ridicules resigning Republican Party bosses to show that abandoning your party’s principles is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn't a Republican in Name Only.

Disclaimer: This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially “ George Vincent.”

DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS
ON THE WAY OUT HOT LINE

E-mail your parting shots today

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